_______________________________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ ((___)) ((___)) [ x x ] cDc communications, inc. [ x x ] \ / presents... \ / (` ') (` ') (U) (U) A GNU CHRISTMAS STORY by Franken Gibe >>> A CULT Publication......1987 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- _______________________________________________________________________________ Leroy was a very young, very special gnu. He lived in a wonderfully verdant piece of Africa, where blue skies stretched oceanically above the mottled earth. Leroy had vision. Leroy knew he was more than a gnu, more than another hors d'oeuvre for the savage African carnivores...Leroy felt this, in his heart, a heart which pulsed with the gamey crimson blood of the Wild. It was 90 degrees that fine December day. Christmas was in the air. The starving nubian families could be seen across the veldt, preparing their Christmas dinners, making their traditional mud pies and locust broquettes. Leroy wore a happy yuletide smile on his bearded chin. Christmas is a gnu's favorite time of year. Yet, as the hot winter sun fell slowly across the vast powder blue sky, Leroy noticed a strange thing. A little boy sat in his earthen hut, staring at the aluminum Christmas tree...the tree was unlit, and silvery tears dribbled down his sun-blackened face. 'What's wrong, young person of the veldt?' Leroy the Gnu sympathetically querried. Yet, to the young person, Leroy's words sounded something like, 'Moorrrrrf G-nerggro?' 'What did you say?' replied the boy, which words to Leroy, in turn, sounded something like... 'What did you say?' Suddenly, Leroy felt the itch of the wild, and all the yearnings of his young life became focused on the fine young nubian. Leroy pounced, molesting and, alas, killing the boy. Blood and sex juice glistened in the manifold mirrors of the aluminum tree. Leroy felt like shit...suicidal in fact. Later that night, the parents of the boy returned, their arms loaded with Christmas presents, brightly wrapped and magically seasonal. To their horror, they found their progeny stretched mutilated across the floor. 'This is a Gnu's work,' gasped the boy's father. 'A horny Gnu's work,' added his mother, tearfully. Suddenly, as if aflame, the once dark Christmas tree blazed to life and light.The parental types fell on their knees in stunned amazement. There were no electrical lines within 1200 miles of the family's hut. This was an impossibility. Yet, not only did the two adults notice the lights, but heard a kind of humming emanating from the back of their home. Father scurried from the floor, and around back. What should he see but a Honda portable generator. And an extension cord running into the hut. 'Shit,' the amazed man mubbled. Now you may ask what became of the perverted, yet sorrowful Gnu. In oppressing guilt, he had spent all his savings (accumulated over the years from various gnu jobs) on a Honda generator. Yet, unable to afford fuel to run the mighty generator, and in a gesture of total self-denial, Leroy squeezed himself into the fuel tank. Thus did the aluminum yule tree glow, and thus did Leroy give the greatest gift ever. The End. =============================================================================== (c)1987 cDc communications by FRANKEN GIBE 0/0/87-17 All Rights Worth Shit  Downloaded From P-80 International Information Systems 304-744-2253