_____________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ ------04.07.96-----------------------------------------------------#047------ Cameo by S. Ratte' appreciated by IBFT [eye luv IBFT!@! That'z Y I wrotterzers this ph1le 4 themm. I hoppe 2 get lots' of 14 yrs. old girlies and $$$ whe|/| th1S ph1l3 becomes p0pular like some drugs. -S. Ratte'] _ | \ | \ | | \ __ | |\ \ __ _____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________ | ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ | | | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | | | | /________/ | | / / /________/ | | | | | | / / | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | |_/ | | | | | | | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | | | |________________________________________________________________| | |____________________________________________________________________| ...presents... Nocturnal Sundress by S. Ratte' 04/01/1996-#311 __///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__ \\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \/////// ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ |___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___| I'm sitting on my folks' couch in the living room. .. I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STOREY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! It's 8:00am but I've been up all night. Feverish, from the mono. The couch is covered in dog hair. Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago? It smells like dog, but I smell worse. I sit hunched in a ball, scratching my bare knee, my plaid flannel boxers riding up my butt. "Nothing. Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my gothic solarium!! Nuttin'" I mutter, "Just wanted to drop a couple of quick notes and say Hi from Lubbock, which is where I'll be until the 11th. Texas is nice and warm, today was 60 degrees, and we took a trip to the other side of the Golden Alamo bridge and climbed all over the old military forts and bunkers that the US army fortified during WW][... It's all decomissioned now, and it's become a bit of a tourist attraction, with this amazing view of the city below (I'm gonna scan pictures of it when I get back. really nifty).... (Probably the most touristsy thing I've done since I was here, the rest of the time we've been wandering aimlessly.) I met a bunch of people from the Otaku Patrol Group (sorta like their version of the L0pht... lots of hacker / amateur radio types) and it's run by this maniac named Drunkfux. Extremely well organized, and lots of good talented technical people. They make the Boston hacker scene look like a bunch of kiddies. They were on NextStep (the Discovery Cable TV show) and they dressed the host in a EN shirt, leather jacket and lots of chains. (You know, the annoying guy from C-Net Central....) We're going to try to go to _so what_, an industrial club down here, and see how it is.. Maybe I'll actually get in with my crappy paper ID. If they buy it, i'll be amazed." I mutter. I mutter a lot. It doesn't matter what I'm saying. This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! "No, see, there's like noooothing. None. None of that, no. I want you to organize my PASTRY trays... my TEA-TINS are gl eaming information like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with me -- Nope. Nuh-uh." I speak slowly, mouthing the words to no one in my transplanted O-hi-o/Texas trans-axis lazy drawl. .. I see TOILET SEATS... I suddenly leap to my feet, waver a bit unsteadily as the blood rushes to and fro, spots getting their chance to show themselves in my head. Then they're chased off again as balances are made. "Gotta find it, check it out." I make my way to the "utility room" full of mingled cat-box stink and weird, exotic laundry chemicals beyond my Tide-level understanding of clothes washing. I am humbled. It's a simple old shotgun with a break-barrel. Single shot. Musta been made in the '50s at least, maybe earlier. It's old, but it works... I know that much. First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test.. So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! That's good enough. Look behind the dryer, the washer. Nope. This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! I giggle to myself. Out on the driveway. Just hose it down, no problem. I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! msg godot he's so sweet. he has silku blonde hair, bright blue eyes, he's a little taller than me..maybe 5'8, smooth..fuckin nicest smile. > i got a coke get mne one > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke ge me coke Farnon lets go somewhere > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i'm fuckin with a faggot it's so much fun annoyinh erm rm em > BAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH YOU PHAG#@! > what the FUCK was that? > nutir grain > yumy um > sratte you got some explaining to dfo :) hahaha I told you read the above > sratte im ashamed of what? > what would your dad say? cant a person bash another person in peace? > then why did you try to scroll it off the screen ith "get me a coke" why not? you can always scroll up > yeh but youre not too bright IRC Log ended *** Thu Apr 27 14:53 Funny, it used to be leaning against the wall behind the dryer, I swear. I'm getting frantic. I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world, talking about stupid this and stupid that, blah blah blah. .. I feel.. JUGULAR.. I've gotta fix things, set things right. The box of shells was up here in the little cabinet above the washer. Gotta clean TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago? Seven months later. Eddy never left. He stayed. I built a special room for him in the basement, one with a super-wide door. I purchased a bed with a storng iron frame - and he stayed in that most of the time. The industrial scale I purchased and had in the garage weighed Eddy in at a whopping 1012 pounds. His brother had also moved in, and was in the very next room. The two rooms were connected via a single door - equally as large as the main ones. Eddy's brother, Swampy had managed to get up to 1200 pounds, but had to come down because of his health. He was around 980. Both men didn't mind the fact that I would sit on their chest and jerk off on their faces as they ate and ate and ate. AND WE'RE DAMN PROUD OF IT T00, Y0U ST00PID FR00T L00P. It's a little green box with at least half-a-dozen shells in it. It was right here in the corner, by the Woolite. Gotta bring some justice to the world, Darwinism is a cool thing. FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! I like it. I got no problems with that. Where're those damn shells? Sacrifices must be made for the greater good. This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up against someone's MARTINI!! It's not by my battered metal Peanuts lunchbox (2nd grade vintage, I think) or the old ice trays either. I AM DISCIPLINED, I AM IN CONTROL, AND I AM RESPONSIBLE. Maybe that lunchbox is worth something to a collector? Huh. I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! There are those lame "pencil holders" I made for my parents for Christmas one year: orange juice concentrate cans covered with red construction paper. Buncha shit. Fuckin' pile of fuckin' WORTHLESS SHIT. .. I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! I'm spitting, I'm foaming and I'm stomping around now, 'cause I'm the baddest motherfucker on the planet but I can't find the damn shotgun and I can't find the damn shells TO FUCKING FIX THINGS RIGHT, GODDAMNIT. AND NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY PISS ME OFF MORE THAN TO NOT BE ABLE TO FUCKING FIX THINGS RIGHT, GODDAMNIT. I storm back to the hairy couch and slump down, arms crossed. .. I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! Grab the remote control, stab a button. _CHiPs_ is on. His hands were big and dirty - they looked like they could never be the pink colour of skin again. To call this guy fat would be an understatement. He stood there, in his dark blue, dirty overalls wheezing, even though he wasn't doing anything strenuous. His hair was a little long, and the way he kept it, it looked like it was due for a trim. His faced puffed out from under his hair, down to a pudgy nose that was turned up at the end. His lips were big, and they dropped down to a chin that was hidden by fat, and doubled up under his jaw. His neck and shoulders were big - and they ballooned down to a barrel like chest. His belly was massive - it hung down far enough that it turned into a facade covering his hips and thighs. As customary with some big men, he didn't wear his pants over that overhanging belly - he wore them under, which pushed the massive gut up and out. His overalls showed the belly nicely - and they didn't fit too well as a result. If these overalls were a size 78, they were tight - anything less would look ridiculous on him. I sigh. "Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!" My parents must have hidden it. Maybe I didn't blink enough as I stared at the television while Kurt Loder on MTV endlessly droned on about some rock star blowing his head off. Who cares about that? What's that got to do with anything, with me? Nothing at all. Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my satellite dish PAYMENTS! But that's not the point. Some people make a big deal out of everything. "They said on the news he was a heroin addict," Mom stated, disapproval in her voice. Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! I don't do drugs, Mom. I'm a responsible, disciplined person. I just want to fix things right. I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! Goddamnit. I clean up after myself. I clean up easy... DETH IZ IMMINENT. THE EARTH MUZT DIE. MEAT EATERZ ARE THE MAJ0RITY AND WE'R FUKIN PISSED. GIVE US WHAT WE WANT 0R BE PREPARED T0 FACE THE WRATH. "what up? how was your weekend? hopefully, more sober than mine...hehehe. the rugby banquet was WILD....they put blindfolds on us and led us into the basement of plimpton. they gave beers and sprayed shaving cream and smashed eggs on us. after we took off our blindfolds, they made us drink more. we had our awards ceremony. i saw some impressive drinking. i don't remember too much more. swamp ratte', the s-side scrum-half, whipped out his slong and started pissing on jesse locke. jesse just stood there until someone told him. anyways, i left soon after. i heard that three people went to the hospital and that security showed up. sat., we had to clean up which REALLY sucked....i'm glad i left early. the basement was absolutely foul. i worked outside. it was cold but better than smelling that shit. i was still hung over but i managed to get some work done. i wasn't up to going out though." I clean up easy. Out on the driveway. With a hose. .-. _ _ .-. / \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \ / \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \ -/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\- / \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \ WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE `-' .ooM `-' _ Oooo / ) __ /)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 cDc communications. / ( / \ \__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/ (_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _ oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \ / ) /)(\ / \ ) \ \ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( / \_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo ============================================================================== IBFT: No matter how hard you laugh with or at it, you'll NEVER get it. http://www.amherst.edu/~mcspinks/ibft/ibfthome.html email: mcspinks@unix.amherst.edu ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146 ==============================================================================