_ | \ | \ | | \ __ | |\ \ __ _____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________ | ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ | | | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | | | | /________/ | | / / /________/ | | | | | | / / | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | |_/ | | | | | | | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | | | |________________________________________________________________| | |____________________________________________________________________| ...presents... The Bishop by Curtis Yarvin >>> a cDc publication.......1994 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ |____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____| No one has come to the cathedral in some time. The bishop is not sure how long it has been; sometimes he feels as though it was just the other day when at mass the pews were full of old women in black. Sometimes he feels as though it has been a very long time, possibly since before he was born. Such confusion no longer disturbs him. He thinks of his memory as like one of the lower crypts, where the resting places of the monks can be distinguished only by the patterns of dust that their disintegrating bones have formed on the floor. Delicate, perhaps, and obscure; but beautiful in its own way, and not something one would wish to change even were it possible. The bishop is a man of logic. Unlike many older people, he is unwilling to repaint the world he sees around him, to make it a more comfortable place in which to live. He recognizes unpleasant facts. Indeed, he delights in them, for in the act of recognition he finds proof that his faculties have not decayed to that state of contented oblivion which he believes a sure precursor to death. He understands, thus, that no one has come to the cathedral in some time; and he understands, further, that his cathedral is not in any sense unique, that it is but one cathedral among many, and even where it stands out it is typical in its way of standing out. Thus, it is possible, indeed likely, that no one has come to any cathedral in some time. Furthermore, although he is unable to discern how long that time has been, he knows that his persistence in life has been unusual, even extraordinary. The bishop considers himself devoid of false modesty, which to him has always been a particularly great sin, and realizes that most ordinary men, even most ordinary bishops, would have long since abandoned the mission. Thus, for quite some time he has considered himself a cardinal, assuming that the ordinary constituted authorities are, if still capable of such an appointment, no longer actively seeking out candidates, and knowing that his qualifications and time of service are more than adequate for the position. In his youth he had always wanted to become a cardinal, and he considers his attainment a great honor. He does not shirk the responsibilities or privileges that accompany it, and always dresses commensurately with his position. There are many cardinals' hats to be found in the crypts, and he uses the resource wisely, never wearing any one hat for more than a week at a time, as they are old and wont to crumble. Their deep red color, he finds, is particularly useful for deterring wild beasts, which have of late grown common, and bold. He still holds Mass each week. It is true, that there have not been many communicants recently, but such observations if taken to heart have a way of making themselves come true, and he considers the service his duty as a officer of the Church. Deliveries of material have ceased, but in the basements there are considerable stocks of wafers and wine. The latter is especially abundant; not all of it is sacramental, but being a bishop as well as a cardinal he can perform his own consecration, and feels free to make liberal use of it. It fortifies his Latin, he finds, and has shown some signs of clarifying his memory. Every month he makes a circuit of the cathedral's exterior. Regular maintenance is no longer being performed, but the building remains in remarkable shape for a structure of its age. Now and then a gargoyle will drop off; on his rounds he finds the carving, sunk into the mossy earth, and takes it inside to the repair room, where its predeceased comrades lie in straight rows. The repair room is coming to resemble one of the crypts. Sometimes, indeed, he feels more companionship with the rocky gargoyles than with his ancestral brethren below, and considers leaving his remains with the former rather than the latter. But it is not yet time for that. Lately, he has been wondering whether he ought not to be considered Pope. The temporal situation, he thinks, warrants the decision; but there is the question of his habit. His episcopal robes are not proper papal attire, even for informal situations, let alone High Mass. Nor does he have the correct mitre. The obvious solution is to declare himself Pope-elect until appropriate habit can be provided, but it is unclear to him by when he can obtain such a habit, and a prolonged tenure as Pope-elect would be unseemly. It would, he feels, project a sense of disarray at the highest levels, and reflect poorly on the Church. As a compromise, he plans to take up sewing, as a hobby. He has investigated records, and many of his predecessors have also had hobbies. It is true that, so far as he can tell, sewing has never been among them, and is thus somewhat unusual; but these are, certainly, unusual times. He will sew himself a proper papal habit, and then he will become Pope. This, he feels, is an excellent plan. _______ __________________________________________________________________ / _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842| ((___)) |Cool Beans!..........415/648-PUNK|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362| [ x x ] |Metalland Southwest..713/579-2276|ATDT East...........617/350-STIF| \ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Ripco ][............312/528-5020| (' ') | Save yourself! Go outside! DO SOMETHING! | (U) |==================================================================| .ooM |Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications and Curtis Yarvin. | \_______/|All Rights Reserved. 05/01/1994-#252|