_ | \ | \ | | \ __ | |\ \ __ _____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________ | ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ | | | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | | | | /________/ | | / / /________/ | | | | | | / / | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | |_/ | | | | | | | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | | | |________________________________________________________________| | |____________________________________________________________________| ...presents... Interview with Barbie by Clench >>> a cDc publication.......1994 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ |____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____| We visited Barbie in her palatial shoebox underneath my bed. She was fetchingly garbed in the latest designer fashion, scaled down to fit her petite 8" frame. In spite of her advanced age, there was no noticeable sag or deterioration, aside from a slight scaliness to her synthetic skin. Though reluctant to speak, at first, she later became quite talkative, as the following transcript reveals. Clench: I'd like to thank you for allowing us to conduct this interview. I'm sure that many of our readers will be fascinated with a "behind the scenes" look at the lifestyle of Barbie, the little plastic doll that lives in a shoebox underneath my bed. Barbie: ... Clench: So, Barbie, according to a recent _Newsweek_ article, you represent the Jungian Archetype of the "dream date." Would you care to comment? Barbie: ... Clench: Reluctant to speak, eh? Well, that's hardly surprising considering the feelings of inadequacy you are reputed to have instilled in an entire generation of women.... Barbie: ... Clench: You seem surprised by my comment. Has it never occurred to you that your buxom figure is, shall we say, uncommon by conventional standards? That it is, nay must be, considered an exaggeration of the secondary sexual characteristics that women perceive men most desire? Barbie: ... Clench: I can tell by your blank look that I'm not making myself completely clear. Let me try again. Your breasts are, some would say, extravagantly large. Yet, in spite of their size, they have a distinctive conical firmness which is virtually unequalable by mere flesh and blood. Further, the size of your breasts is accentuated by your slim, svelte figure. When taken as a whole with your long supple legs, your figure, overall, can be viewed as nothing short of angelic. Would you care to comment? Barbie: ... Clench: I hope your silence doesn't indicate that I've offended you. I sense a connection between the two of us, as of two souls reaching out across the void, desperately struggling to find completion. Barbie: ... Clench: I've embarrassed you now, I can tell. Perhaps we should move on to more mundane subjects. What of Barbie, the early years. What were the true formative factors which have made you the individual you are today, loved by millions, young and old? Barbie: ... Clench: Reluctant to speak of your past, eh? Some deep, dark, tawdry secret you would strive to keep obscured? Something nasty, smutty, and entirely out of keeping with the image you have so carefully crafted for yourself? Barbie: ... Clench: So, unable to confront the sordid truth, eh? Miss Perfect Plastic isn't all sweetness and light after all, eh? Why don't you tell us about it Barbie? Why don't you tell us about the innocents you crushed beneath your stiletto heel during your shameless self-advancement? Tell us about your clawing, struggling, squalid self-promotion. Tell us how you engineered and manipulated your way to the top! Barbie: ... Clench: Don't want to talk, eh? Well, we have ways of finding out what we want to know. Tell us the truth, you scheming bitch! Barbie: *snap* Clench: Didn't like that, did you! Bwahahahahaha! There's more where that came from! Barbie: *snap* Clench: Not Miss Perfect American Teen anymore, now, are we! Gonna be pretty hard to put on your gold-lame' evening formal wear without any arms, isn't it! Bwahahahaha!!! Barbie: *pop* Clench: Don't look so attractive without that silky blond hair either, do you? Tell us what we want to know, tell us now, or else! Barbie: *crunch* *snap* *pop* Clench: That'll teach you, you faithless wench! Little miss innocent wasn't so innocent after all, was she? Let's see how you like the garbage dispose-all. Barbie: *whirrrrrrrrrr* *kaCHUNG* *CRACKACRACKACRACK* *REEEEEEEEEEEE* *CHUNGachung* *chunkchunkchunk* *whirrrrrrrrrr* Clench: Why'd you have to go and make me do that, huh? You think I like having to do these things? Why'd you have to go and leave me like that? You left me, just like they all leave me, all the teenage girls with their oh so perfect hair and breasts... well there are more where you came from. Plenty more, and I can afford just as good as you. _______ __________________________________________________________________ / _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842| ((___)) |Cool Beans!..........415/648-PUNK|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362| [ x x ] |Metalland Southwest..713/579-2276|ATDT East...........617/350-STIF| \ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Ripco ][............312/528-5020| (' ') | Save yourself! Go outside! DO SOMETHING! | (U) |==================================================================| .ooM |Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications and Clench. | \_______/|All Rights Reserved. 07/01/1994-#266|